


James Suffers Always

by lol-phan-af (lol_phan_af)



Series: 1-800-did-I-ask [68]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Multi, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 15:24:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8166646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lol_phan_af/pseuds/lol-phan-af
Summary: johnn: ALEX I LOVE YOU DEARLY BUT I HAVE N O CLUE WHAT YOU JUST SAIDlaf: I already don't want to know





	

**johnn:** ALEX I LOVE YOU DEARLY BUT I HAVE N O CLUE WHAT YOU JUST SAID

 **laf:** I already don't want to know

 **johnn:** HE CALLED ME LITERALLY S OBB IN G AND I WAS LIKE ??? AND HE WAS TRYING TO EXPLAIN IT TO ME BUT I COULDNT UNDERSTAND HIM BC HE WAS C RY IN G

 **laf:** oh no

 **little lion:** I DROPPED MY LAPTOP BY ACCIDENT AND IT B RO K E

 **little lion:** AND I HATE MY LIFE BC I LITERALLY NEVER BRING IT TO WORK BUT I NEEDED TO AND THIS FUCKIGN HAPPENS

 **johnn:** oh g od

 **little lion:** NA D I WAS ASKING YOU TO COME PICK ME UP BC I NEED A NEW ONE ASAP

 **little lion:** AND ALSO SOME STUFF ABOUT HOW I WOULD SACRAFICE MY SOUL TO GO BACK IN TIME AND STOP THAT FROM HAPPENING BUT ITS NOT IMPORTANT RN

 **johnn:** omg

 **johnn:** yes I'll come pick you up

 **laf:** wait what are you not here rn

 **johnn:** no I'm having lunch with james

 **johnn:** my brother not jmads

 **johnn:** is it okay if he comes w/ us

 **little lion:** IDC I JUST NEED A NEW LAPTOP

 **johnn:** okay we're getting in the car now I'll see you in like ten minutes

 **little lion:** OKAY I LOVE YOU

 **johnn:** love you too

\---

 **more like HUNKules:** wait shouldn't james be in school

 **johnn:** there's an inservice thing today for the teachers which means I'm free - james

 **more like HUNKules:** oh

 **johnn:** I also have a question - james

 **more like HUNKules:** and,,,that is??

 **johnn:** are you all always this gross - james

 **more like HUNKules:** excuse me

 **laf:** hello yes I wasn't here but then my husbands were being potentially insulted

 **laf:** square up kid

 **johnn:** I'm not insulting you - james

 **johnn:** it's just,,,,you guys,,,,,are so in love with each other that it sickens me - james

 **more like HUNKules:** what is your sister like with her signifs just a question

 **laf:** rt

 **johnn:** oh that's gross too but it's like less !!!! - james

 **johnn:** like the grossest thing they've done in front of me is like,,,,whisper to each other while cuddling - james

 **johnn:** and then like I asked john how you all were doing like twenty minutes ago and he had to physically restrain himself from going into a three hour long speech - james

 **johnn:** and by restraining himself I mean it was at the fifteen minute mark by the time alex called - james

 **more like HUNKules:** aw

 **johnn:** the fact that you find it endearing is exactly what I mean - james

 **more like HUNKules:** I love my husband and you can fight me

 **johnn:** no thanks I enjoy being alive - james

 **laf:** why don't you just text us from your own phone

 **johnn:** bc this one has all of john's secrets on it - james

 **laf:** I

 **johnn:** do you think he'd kill me if I went through his phone - james

 **laf:** yes

 **johnn:** I'm gonna do it anyway - james

 **laf:** rip

 **johnn:** it can't be that bad - james

 **laf:** DONT GO THROUGH HIS PICTURES

 **johnn:** ,,,,,why - james

 **laf:** ,,,,,just don't do it

 **johnn:** OKAY???

 **little lion:** don't go through his private chat with me either

 **johnn:** WHA T THE FUCKJCKJBKLDFHB;LKTNHLS

 **laf:** which one of us did you not listen to

 **johnn:** ALEX

 **little lion:** fuck

 **johnn:** IM SCREAMIGN

 **johnn:** I NEED TO BE REBAPTIZED

 **johnn:** I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT HALF OF THAT STUFF I S

 **little lion:** I WARNED YOU

 **johnn:** OH MY GOD I CANT LOOK AT YOU THE SAME WAY NOW

 **little lion:** I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN START THAT CONVO JOHN DID SO YOU CAN JUDGE HIM

 **johnn:** WERE IN THE PARKING LOT COME OUTSIDE

 **little lion:** OKAY

 **johnn:** IM LITERALLY CRYING THATS SO G R OS S

 **little lion:** I W ARNE DYOU

 **johnn:** IM CRYING SO HARD

\---

 **johnn:** I

 **johnn:** it's john now

 **johnn:** I have no words

 **little lion:** make james sit in the backseat so we can hold hands

 **johnn:** I think he's only arguing with you so that he doesn't have flashbacks of,,,,,,,what we talk about

 **laf:** what the fuck do you guys talk about and why am I not included

 **more like HUNKules:** rt??

 **johnn:** I feel like you would look at us differently if you found out

 **laf:** oh god

 **laf:** I'm just thinking about some of the stuff I've said in the past and if you still think that then it must be

 **laf:** A Lot

 **johnn:** it gets pretty intense

 **laf:** I'm alone at work this is rude :^(((

 **more like HUNKules:** wanna go on a lunch date

 **more like HUNKules:** we'd have to walk tho

 **laf:** yes!!

 **more like HUNKules:** do you want me to walk to you??

 **laf:** we can meet halfway

 **more like HUNKules:** okay

 **laf:** love you hercules!!

 **more like HUNKules:** love you too!!

\---

 **johnn:** why do I have to be the shortest

 **more like HUNKules:** do I want to know

 **johnn:** we're in walmart and yknow the thing you do with me and/or alex when we go shopping

 **more like HUNKules:** no??

 **johnn:** THE THING

 **johnn:** where you're like behind one of us and you put your head on our head and put your arms around our shoulders or like wherever

 **more like HUNKules:** I think??

 **johnn:** I'm not good at describing it but you do it all the time

 **johnn:** I wanna do it but I'm too short and alex is also too short to do it to me

 **little lion:** I'm so sad this is rude

 **johnn:** why can't I be like james' height

 **little lion:** bc I need someone to be smol with

 **johnn:** aw okay then it's worth it

 **little lion:** <3 <3 <3 <3

 **johnn:** <3 <3 <3 <3

\---

 **laf:** HERCULES LOOKS SO CUTE TODAY

 **more like HUNKules:** you saw me this morning??

 **laf:** I WAS HALF ASLEEP THIS MORNING

 **more like HUNKules:** okay true

 **laf:** S O CUTE

 **more like HUNKules:** omg

 **laf:** YOURE WEARING A BANDANA

 **more like HUNKules:** I usually take it off when I leave my studio but I was so excited for this mini date that I guess I forgot

 **laf:** A H

 **laf:** I WANT TO KISS YOU

 **more like HUNKules:** nothing is stopping you love

 **laf:** RIGHT

 **little lion:** godspeed

\---

 **little lion:** I got a new laptop!!

 **little lion:** it's so cute it's red

 **laf:** yay!!

 **johnn:** NO NOT YAY

 **johnn:** HE HAS A HARD DRIVE WITH HIS WHOLE LAPTOP SAVED ON IT AND THE PERSON THAT WORKS HERE WAS LIKE ""I CAN TRANSFER EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW IF YOU WANT"" AND HE WAS LIKE YEAH SURE AND I HAD TO STEAL IT FROM HIM TO REMIND HIM WHY THAT M I G H T BE A BAD IDEA

 **laf:** I'm not sure I understand why that would be a bad idea

 **johnn:** DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW ANY NUDES HE HAS ON THAT LAPTOP

 **johnn:** HE ALSO SCREENSHOTS OUR CONVERSATIONS SOMETIMES AND HE NEVER DELETES ANYTHING EVER

 **laf:** OH

 **laf:** OH MY GOD

 **johnn:** Y E A H

\---

 **johnn:** my brother is gonna kill us

 **laf:** is this bc of the graphic sexting or ??

 **johnn:** we started whispering and we told him to stay in one spot while we went to buy smth and he refused to bc he said he would never find us again

 **laf:** and??

 **johnn:** we were going to buy lube and his presence here isn't stopping us

 **laf:** dear lord jesus christ on high

 **laf:** wait can you even buy lube at walmart

 **johnn:** yes?? where do you buy it when you buy it??

 **laf:** the drug store

 **laf:** it's closer to our house

 **johnn:** oh okay that makes sense

 **johnn:** HE JUST S C R E A M E D

\---

 **the coolest brother you got:** NO

 **the coolest brother you got:** THIS IS RUDE

 **the coolest brother you got:** IM SO DISGUSTED IM SOBBING WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME

 **johnn:** WE LITERALLY TOLD YOU TO STAY IN ONE AISLE

 **little lion:** LISTEN TO OUR WARNINGS FOR ON C E

 **little lion:** ALL OF THIS COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED

 **the coolest brother you got:** IM FUCKING CRYING IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS WALMART

 **little lion:** WE LITERALLY TOLD YOU NOT TO FOLLOW US

 **the coolest brother you got:** I DIDNT THINK IT WAS BC YOU WERE GOING TO BUY SIN GEL

 **little lion:** sin gel

 **the coolest brother you got:** IM IN A LOT OF PAIN RN

 **little lion:** you might be in pain but with all this lube we bought I won't be

 **the coolest brother you got:** SHUT UPPTPUOJOJUS[KDGHDAS

 **the coolest brother you got:** I DO NOT NOR HAVE I EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT MY BROTHERS SEX LIFE AND I DONT WANT TO KNOW NOW

 **little lion:** yeah that makes sense

 **the coolest brother you got:** THANK YOU

\---

 **laf:** me and hercules got kicked out of the restaurant

 **little lion:** WHY

 **laf:** NO REASON

 **johnn:** I'm afraid now

 **laf:** NO REASON FORGET I SAID ANYTHING

 **more like HUNKules:** we almost fucked in a restaurant

 **johnn:** oh dear god

 **johnn:** today has been very weirdly sexual

 **johnn:** like it's odd yknow

 **laf:** no we totally agree

 **little lion:** I just want to go home and go to sleep

 **laf:** I want to go home and talk abt what you two discuss in your private chat

 **little lion:** fine but we're not doing anything

 **laf:** I can live with that

 **more like HUNKules:** do you ever talk abt us in your private chat

 **johnn:** sometimes

 **more like HUNKules:** on a scale of 1-10 how much am I going to scream

 **johnn:** depends on the type of screaming you plan to do

 **more like HUNKules:** BYE

\---

 **little lion:** LAF WE SEE YOU

 **laf:** wHAT

 **little lion:** WE CAN SEE YOU WALKING GET IN THE CAR

 **laf:** OH I SEE YOU

 **laf:** OKAY IM COMING

\---

 **laf:** are we just??

 **laf:** taking james to work with us

 **little lion:** john totally forgot to drop him off and we don't have time to go back so I guess??

 **little lion:** we don't have meetings or anything today so I mean as long as we sneak in undetected it's fine

 **laf:** okay

\---

 **more like HUNKules:** I have no orders rn??? I totally finished them all??

 **more like HUNKules:** so instead of doing the things I could be doing like yknow finishing lafayette's dress or alex's suit or starting any of the bridesmaids dresses

 **more like HUNKules:** I'm making sweaters

 **little lion:** you can't start bridesmaids dresses if we don't have a color scheme

 **more like HUNKules:** true

 **laf:** I was gonna be like our fave colors!! but I don't know our favorite colors

 **laf:** I know everything abt us but I don't know our favorite colors

 **little lion:** mine is green bc it's the color of john's eyes

 **johnn:** shUT U P

 **johnn:** I like blue bc it's cute

 **laf:** purple is my shit

 **johnn:** yeah that makes sense you own a lot of purple

 **laf:** exactly!!

 **more like HUNKules:** pastel yellow

 **little lion:** you look really pretty in yellow

 **more like HUNKules:** thank you

 **more like HUNKules:** however I'm going to make this sweater dark red to match the rest of yours

 **more like HUNKules:** these are your christmas presents by the way so like get ready

 **laf:** yay!!

 **johnn:** what are eliza and maria doing for their wedding

 **laf:** idk I'll ask

\---

 **laf:** eliza!!

 **eliza:** what!!

 **laf:** what's the color scheme for your wedding

 **eliza:** red and mint green

 **laf:** that's so pretty tf???

 **eliza:** we pick well

 **laf:** true like damn

 **laf:** okay thanks eliza bye!!

 **eliza:** bye!!

\---

 **laf:** mint green and red

 **more like HUNKules:** THATS SO PRETTY TF

 **laf:** THATS WHAT I SAID

 **johnn:** james is texting martha m. to come pick him up and she's responding with three minute long voice messages of her laughing

 **laf:** ITS SO FUNNY

 **more like HUNKules:** oh my god

 **laf:** wait what abt pastel yellow and pink

 **little lion:** I feel like we should incorporate my suit into it tho

 **laf:** dark green, black, and white

 **little lion:** oooOooOo

 **laf:** but like in a classy way

 **johnn:** I like it!!

 **more like HUNKules:** you realize that we're literally the color scheme

 **more like HUNKules:** alex is in green, me and john are in black, and lafayette is in white

 **laf:** that's okay

 **more like HUNKules:** I know and I love those colors I'm just sayin

 **laf:** so that's our color scheme??

 **more like HUNKules:** yes!!

 **johnn:** ye!!

 **little lion:** yeS

 **laf:** yay!!

\---

 **martha manning:** what are you doing to james that he's crying to me abt being tortured

 **johnn:** we went to lunch,,,,, and then alex asked me to pick him up and on the way there he went through my phone and found,,,,,things,,,,then,,,,,more things,,,happened at walmart,,,,,and then we forgot to drop him off so we're sitting in alex's office doing nothing

 **johnn:** or rather james is sitting in alex's office and me, alex, and laf are lying on the ground breaking our spines

 **martha manning:** is he going to tell me abt this day when he gets home

 **johnn:** I mean,,,,prolly not

 **johnn:** depends how close you are with my brother

 **martha manning:** he tells me most things

 **johnn:** this is abt,,,,,,,sexting,,,and lube purchases

 **martha manning:** I

 **martha manning:** not sure I want him to tell me abt this one

 **johnn:** yeah,,,,

 **martha manning:** I'll pray for him

 **johnn:** I'm sure he appreciates it

\---

 **little lion:** am I allowed to push him off of the couch

 **johnn:** I would really rather you didn't

 **little lion:** but my spine is gonna literally b r e a k

 **johnn:** just lay on me or lafayette

 **little lion:** you're closer

 **johnn:** okay

\---

 **the coolest brother you got:** THEYRE LYING ON TOP OF EACH OTHER MARTHA

 **martha manning:** oh my god

 **the coolest brother you got:** I HAVE NOWHERE TO RUN PLEASE COME GET ME

 **martha manning:** OH MY GOD F I N E

 **martha manning:** TELL THEM TO BE OUTSIDE THO I WANT TO GLARE AT THEM

 **the coolest brother you got:** GOD BLESS YOU ARE THE BEST SISTER IN LAW EVER I LOVE YOU

 **martha manning:** 25 mins

 **the coolest brother you got:** THANK YOU

\---

 **laf:** am?? I even alive rn??

 **laf:** I was just killed by martha manning sorry guys???

 **johnn:** THAT WAS LE T H AL

 **more like HUNKules:**???

 **little lion:** SHE PULLS UP IN THE SPORTS CAR

 **johnn:** ROLLS THE WINDOW DOWN AND STARES AT US WITH A DEATH GLARE WORTHY OF KILLING US

 **laf:** AND GOES ""THE NEXT TIME I HAVE TO LEAVE MY HOUSE TO SAVE MY BROTHER IN LAW FROM YOUR ANTICS I WILL HIT YOU WITH THIS CAR. ARE WE CLEAR?"

 **little lion:** CUE US NODDING SILENTLY BC WE ARE P E T R I F I E D

 **johnn:** SHES WEARING A GIRAFFE ONESIE BTW AND AS JAMES GETS IN THE CAR SHE TAKES A SIP OUT OF A BIG BIRD MUG AND THEN SPEEDS TF OFF

 **laf:** SHE ALSO PUT SUNGLASSES ON BEFORE SHE DROVE AWAY

 **laf:** ITS NOT EVEN SUNNY OUT

 **little lion:** IM SO SCARED OF HER

 **johnn:** RT

 **laf:** RT

\---

 **little lion:** WERE HOME

 **little lion:** IM GOING TO BED

 **little lion:** WE CAN TALK ABT ME AND JOHNS PRIVATE CHAT TOMORROW GOODNIGHT

 **johnn:** tbh me too gn

 **more like HUNKules:** I'm coming too hold on

 **laf:** me too!!

 **johnn:** yay we can be gross together until we fall asleep

 **laf:** I love us

 **johnn:** me too

 **little lion:** me too

 **more like HUNKules:** rt!!

**Author's Note:**

> GUESS WHO BROKE HER LAPTOP TODAY!! ALSO THIS IS VERY WEIRD AND IM NOT SURE WHAT I WAS GOING FOR


End file.
